I like days like today, when you are too busy to think. It's kinda liberating. Or was it the unexpected phonecall at the end of the workday that felt so liberating? Hard to tell.
But the call was honestly unexpected. There was no caller ID and the call started with the words "Hej sket! Hvad laver du?" [translation: hi, honey! What're you doing?] Hearing those words made it clear who it was - Morten, my ex - my bi-sexual ex, my over-the-top ex, my your-life-is-so-my-business ex, yeah - my annoying ex. That's how he does it. Just out of the blue, he decides he needs to call me and interrogate me about my life. To be completely honest with you - I like talking with him, if only there weren't so many questions.
We last talked in March, I believe it was. Then I was sitting on the floor in his fabulous flat in the central of Copenhagen, whining how I really didn't want to go back to Estonia. The evening ended with gunshots just a block away - it ended with 3 innocent dead people...
So now he called again. Being back in Copenhagen feeling rather bored. Apparently Tony-Tony stayed in Frisco and Brian was out of town as well. Next victim - me!
The phonecall lasted about 45 minutes - the whole way I walked home from work. As always we talked about life, how he was oh so happy with Tony-Tony and how I was oh so happy I had John. The last statement he still doesn't believe though - silly man!!! (He's so in denial!) So as always we still get back to the subject of me breaking up with him. IT'S BEEN OVER 3 YEARS!!!! GET OVER IT ALREADY!!! Apparently, he can't get over it 'cos I still haven't told him the truth about that Wednesday.
After 3.5 years I spoke of that odd day that seemed like an out of body experience. Thinking about it still kinda freaks me out. As I told him - I wasn't myself that day. Or maybe I WAS myself. Anyway, that Wednesday he called (like he did almost every day) and told me he was coming over, that he would be there in 20 minutes. When I hang up, something inside me clicked. I took my jacket and told everyone I was going out. No word about Morten coming over.
I almost ran, needing to get away before he arrived. I headed to the lake, to my safety spot, where I could always be on my own and think. On my way I saw a dead bird on the ground. It was full of maggots. And at that very moment I felt like that bird - as if maggots were eating my inside out. I felt that way because I already guessed how that day was going to end. I knew what I was about to do!
I don't know how long I had been sitting there but I wasn't surprised when I saw Morten approaching. I hated the fact that he knew me so well. Yep, there he was all smiley and oh so positive. Laughing and asking if I'd forgotten he was coming over. He sat next to me giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. God, I remember him being so annoyingly bubbly and chatty. I remember him talking and me answering occasionally but never saying what I was really thinking. It was a true skitzophrenic moment with voices in my head and all. He suddenly grabbed my hand and I saw blood. I'd been clenching my fists so strongly that my nails were digging in the flesh of my palms.
Only then he realised something was off. He can be so clueless sometimes. That's when I spoke my mind without any emotions what so ever. Just told him it wasn't working, that we were just victims of a habit, feeling too safe with each other. That he was trying so hard to make something out of nothing. Probably just wanted to make his mom and dad happy. That he was clearly delusional. I don't know. He took the news quite well though. But he's been bugging me with the questions ever since.
When I told him everything today, he sounded so taken aback. He really had no clue! He was glad I shared my POV with him though - I'm glad I finally did it. It's been eating my soul out.
Yes, now we're both happy. Morten with Tony-Tony - should I stop teasing his bf for good? even though it's funny how Tony-Tony gets so upset when I call him that? Even though he's a loud and screaming drama queen? Oh well, he'll be just Tony from now on!!! Satisfied??
And I with John... That's all another story though. But I am happy - with a swelling heart and belly full of butterflies happy! =) Yeah! Life is starting to get better! Yay for that!
And now I is going to be 'cos it's another busy day with an early start tomorrow!
Live long and prosper, bitches! =)
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