Not only did I push him too far, but in the wrong direction. I mean, look at him! He's a mess!

Him: I'm just feeling really guilty and strange...
Me: Those are my feelings right now...
Him: Well...at least we are in the same place yeah?

Yeah... we're in the same place once again. Feeling how the other one is feeling. How do we even know where our own feelings end and the other one's start? We're always a bundle of emotions we're not even sure WE have.

So what is it that we both feel so guilty about? I pushed him ... too far. I was not thinking, as usual, and started the subject I knew would take us where we are now... Him thinking so hard I can hear his brain working from where I am. Me... crying for making him be like this. Now he's so far away in his thoughts and I can't reach him. I know he's not smiling. Just thinking. I want him to smile again and not having to think... not like this...

Him feeling guilty for thinking and being unreachable, being so far away in his thoughts and not being able to talk about it properly.

It's a dead circle. I know it. I'm sure he knows it. I just want it to be over. The guilt part. The thinking part.

I want to dance with him under the stars, just like in the dream I had last night....