I made the final decision not to take Brian's offer. I know there are people who won't understand. They keep saying that he would want me there. Why would he want me there when he's not there himself? Not the way I would like him to be anyway... Sue me for being selfish
Yesterday, for a minute I thought about going. He himself told me not to worry about it. Yes, I spoke to him yesterday... in my dream. He gave me a hug and said: "I don't expect you to come. I know you don't want to. I know you love me and it's ok. I don't mind." Then he smiled and gave me a kiss. I woke up and erupted in tears. I've cried myself dry... the whole night I just cried...
He also told me that he now understands our relationship. Now, he said, he sees it from another angle and he thinks it's beautiful and it's right. He said sorry for giving me a hard time becuase of you. I never held it against him anyway. I know he just wanted to look after me.
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