I know what it's like to lose someone you care about, to see them one day and not see them the next and to know you'll never see them again.

Tuesday was going almost perfectly. You called :) just like you promised. I didn't say anything but I heard your voice tremble with the first sentence. And I know why that was. Now I feel bad that I refused to talk about it right away. I needed a bit time to be us... to talk about normal, fun stuff. And it was the best 30 minutes I've had lately :) But the internet just had to disappear, didn't it. Just before we could talk about the serious stuff... urgh!! But the good thing is - I'm not scared anymore even though we don't know the truth yet. I'm not scared because I have you, no matter what! You aid it and I believe you!

I wish you were there tonight 'cos I really need to talk to you. I need your soothing words. I need you to make me feel better 'cos right now I feel like I'm drowning. Forget the emoness. Today I'm beyond emo. Today I found out I've lost someone.

I got a phone call in the morning... I've always hoped I never have to answer a call of this kind, but I did today. It was Brian. He sounded so off for the early hours. I knew right away something was wrong. He then announced that Morten is no more... Apparently he had been in a wrong place at the wrong time and got himself killed. Bullet to the head. Clean shot. Dead on the spot.

God.... I never thought he'll go this way. He was the cheery kind of person who you would think would live forever. Who would do something like that to a perfect person like him??

I loved him... love him. Not the way I love you but... he was my friend! He was there with his cheerfulness when I needed someone. I hurt him back then and I let him down quite a lot but he was still there for me. Never let me down.

It's ironic that the last time I saw him was exactly a year ago in his flat in Copenhagen and there was a shooting down the street and he took it so lightly, comforting me, saying that no bullets can kill beautiful people like us. Indeed. We're bulletproof. Then why did he have to die? He was more than beautiful.

Brian offered to buy me the plane tickets to Copenhagen for the funeral. I refused. Not that I don't want him to pay for my ticket... just that... I can't go. I don't want to see Morten like this... I don't want to see him dead. I want to remember him the way I knew him - happy and alive.

I'm so sorry he's gone. I'm so sorry for Tony. I'm so sorry for Stine and Niklas. I'm so sorry for Brian. I'm so sorry...