Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Silence is a scary sound....

It's been so quiet for weeks now. I'm starting to feel that I don't exist at all. The world seems to move around me but I'm not part of it. Just watching the loud and colorful life happening around me.

Tonight was the hardest I've had in a long time. I made the decision to bring Lady to the flat with me on Monday. She was missing us and we missed her. It's been so sad to see her get worse day by day. There's only skin and bones left. Her feet got swollen and she could barely stand and walk on her own.

Yesterday was not a good day for her at all. She didn't have a moment of peace. She was feeling so unwell she couldn't even sleep. Finally I took her in my lap so she could get a bit of rest. Only then she slept about 20 minutes.

The evening got worse. She was totally limp, unable to stand at all. When I picked her up it was as if she was a rag doll. The night she spent mostly in her own bed occasionally waking up and wondering around in the room. I believe poor dog had no idea what was going on around her.

I moved her bed next to mine so I could sooth her. It was such a sad sight. I had made the decision to end her misery the next day. It was just too much for her - to us. In the very end she couldn't take it anymore. She was in pain and she was crying. I felt so helpless. Just held her little swollen paw and prayed she would just let go and go to a better place.

At some point fell as sleep. So did I, her paw still in my hand. The next time I woke up - she wasn't breathing. She had listened to me and let go. I'm glad she did that. I'm glad she's not hurting anymore. I'm glad we didn't have to do it ourselves.

I'm so damn sad she's gone. She might have been annoying at some point but she was family. She was our baby.... and I'm crying again....

We're gonna go and bury her next to Semu and Tipa later this afternoon.

Rest in peace, Lady!

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