It's been so lonely without you here, like a bird without a song. Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling. Tell me baby where did I go wrong?

It's been almost a month at my new job. I love it. It's simple, it's different, it's almost like a vacation for my brain. People are great and I feel I fit just perfect with them

I also started with a running training and yoga classes. I decided to focus on myself and work for now. Putting all my focus on those two at least for a while. I promised myself not to think about you or us or what could have been or what went wrong or what never came to be...

Still it's almost spring and it makes it makes it impossible to do. Loving couples and pregnant happy women are EVERYWHERE. It makes me want to scream in the inside. It makes me want to get on the plane right now and get to you and get all the answers to prove you that we could still make it! It makes me want to draw out all the plans and dreams we had so you could see them all at once. I want you to remember them and how they came to be. I want you to think of how much fun we had talking about them, developing them sometimes getting so ridiculous that we laughed for a long time afterwards.

I want to prove you that those issues we had were so tiny that we just imagined them too big and then got scared. I want to prove that we could beat all those problems without effort.

I don't want my nightmares of you turning into a typical redneck only because you did what others thought was right, to turn into reality. I don't want you to get lost in your fears and doubts. I don't want you to disappear.

I want to bake you honey cake or what ever you want when ever you want it.

I want to watch every Doctor Who episode and every Clara's movie with you.

I want to be there for you when you are feeling down and you don't really feel like talking.

I want to watch you when you style your hair.

I want you to buy the "Picnic" for us, even though I hate the car.

I want you to catch me off guard and hear me sing when I think I'm alone (only so you could know how I honestly don't sound like an angel).

I want to cook side by side with you.

I want you to rant about geeky stuff you like.

I want you to show me the photos from your past so I could try hard not to laugh ('cos I did promise not to).

I want you to tell me about the latest book you just read

I want you to say: "Red, will you be my wife?" all over again.

I want to wake up in your arms every morning.

I want to live at the "mushroom farm" with you and our 3 kids and dogs and cats and horses and ducks.

I want to show you and only you what my love is capable of.

I want you to stay true to your words: "I may turn away from others, yes, but never from you."

So, I'm begging you - don't turn away from me, leaving me in the dark facing the unknown 'cos I don't know what to do or where to run. If I can't trust you, then I have no clue who to trust.

I want you to keep your promises.

I want you to let me love you the way you deserve.

There is so much I want to do with you that listing them all would taken an eternity.

I'm visualizing the second chance!